I am in the hospital, in bed, for the third day already! The barrack is a temporary one, because up to yesterday the illness had not been determined. By some symptoms, as well as by the logic of things, - it is spotted typhus. The temperature was 40.2 = 104.4 and the rash broke out heavily – all as it should be. And then the temperature fell suddenly and the head is clear. Now, it has been determined fully: inflammation of the right lung....Temperature is 38-39 = 100-102. Am feeling so far rather satisfactorily. There is strength. What is to come is uncertain. I have begun already to expect death....and this I am telling you, my friends, with enough calmness....

But to begin in order: Some move it was from Rostov to Vladikavkaz....a fine one indeed!!! At first everything adjusted itself rather well. Thanks to Muralov and the Military Staff-Commissar of the Staff of Caucasian Front, we were given a First Class coupe in the Staff train-car. There are four such coupes in the car. There is a Salon, servants, samovar, heat. There were in all 5 passengers and 5 servants. It would seem, one could wish for nothing better! Even in Nicholas’ (late Czar) times we did not travel in such style! But alas! – the sweet turned bitter. One reason – fate, the other of our own making.

We left Nahichevan on Saturday, December 18. The day was apparently not a propitious one. Stupidly we left in the evening, about 7 o’clock, figuring we would have enough time until the departure of the train (at 11 pm). It was dark, very cold. We started to walk behind the cart, loaded to capacity with our luggage, but could not endure it; took a cab and slowly rode behind the cart as if behind a hearse. The square in front of the station was dark and teamed with people. It was impossible to drive up to the station entrance. No porters. We were standing in the middle of the square and, like fools, were waiting for something.....Then after waiting for some time in vain, I left Mama with the cart-load and went to look for some helpers. I tried to find out about the hook-up of our train-car, but found out nothing, no one knew anything. For 20 times was I sent from one place to another but found out nothing, while Mama was freezing, staying with the baggage. It was finally established that the Staff-car was not going to be hooked up on Saturday, that day. That meant waiting until Monday (trains go only every other day). I went to look for the train car on the siding. I found it and explained to the conductor the situation and our intention to occupy the car. However, for that it was necessary to have a special permit........I had thought of checking our things, but in this I also did not succeed: only baggage of a certain size was being accepted, while ours proved to be too large....There was nothing left for us to do but to return home...in the night and cold, worn out, into an empty and unheated apartment!...!!!! We walked behind the loaded cart in order to protect ourselves against the wind. It was a long walk. We froze. Arrived at the house late in the night. The iron gates were locked...No bell...No one heard our knocking...We knocked furiously for half an hour. The driver was swearing...At last I started to shake the gate and broke the lock...It caused a scandal, but we drove in with the cart. We unloaded, leaving the heavy baggage in the courtyard, carrying the smaller things into the apartment. Then we ate some of the food prepared for the trip and went to bed. Mama lay down as she was, in her fur coat, and I went to the landlord’s. On Monday we made it to the station after having reduced our baggage considerably. This time we succeeded in installing ourselves in the Staff’s railroad car with our hand baggage, regardless of its numerous quantity. The large baggage I placed at the counter for the evening inspection. We began to bless heaven, already thinking that the main trials were behind us, not knowing that they were still ahead of us.

Last night and this morning my temperature went up some. I feel weaker. My head aches....Though, thanks to the cuppings and last night’s compress, I feel nothing abnormal in my lung....

Am continuing my tale of our move: - The issuing of tickets. The inspection and admittance of the baggage is done at the same time, but...at different ends of the station! ... and in a nightmarish crush ... an hour, or hour and a half before the train’s departure!!! In order to be on time I joined the ticket line as early as 5 o’clock. That was, of course, fatal to my health.... I already had a cold and here, in a Dante-like hell, I experienced such a steam bath, like none in my whole life: the perspiration streamed from me in torrents when I ran out with the tickets into freezing cold in order to check the baggage. Here it was where I over-strained myself: the counter was high, the baggage heavy and no one to help! The inspection was merciless and I had hardly time to tie up again the trunks and throw them on the scales. I risked to be left behind, because the train had long ago been ready and the boarding had ended....I ran along the length of the train looking for our carriage, but in the darkness did not recognize nor found it. At last I realized that it had NOT yet been hooked-up, that it would be done so at the last moment! Then I ran along the rail-ties to the place where our carriage stood. With difficulty I found it and dropped heavily upon the couch in complete exhaustion.....THE TRAIN LEFT WITHOUT US! Then there began a fight between our high-ranking military fellow-travelers and the railroad management, regarding the failure of the hook-up. As a result, we stayed in the carriage for 4 days more, and left only on Friday.

Stubbornly and without let-up there creeps up to me something of a constantly rising temperature. Today already in the morning it’s 39 and a half....= 103 degrees. The rattling has spread to both lungs, and yesterday cupping has been placed all over and compresses around my whole body....I think it is time to take extreme measures: to lower the temperature and to sustain my heart, otherwise it would not have enough strength to keep up the struggle – it will burn out.

Day before yesterday Uncle Dodo visited me. I told him, among other things, that though I do not want to die, but if death comes, I shall accept it calmly, because I do not fear it, that I look at it as a moment of eternal development and in some sense – a liberation. He began to express his viewpoint on these things, and surprised me by exhibiting an extreme degree of materialism...

(Many pages are missing.)

The diary has come to an end since the earthly life has come to an end. Seven days only have passed, and on January 11, at 10:30 o’clock in the evening, Papochka left this life for the eternity.

The heart did not hold out; it was exhausted from the struggle against the inflammation of the lungs and from the hardships of the move....The care was wonderful, but there was nothing that could have saved him....

My dearest, my joy! One must bear and suffer ... at times, especially at night, it is hard, but I take courage. And do you know, it’s for you only....I have been thinking much, and without any details, but in general....and oh, God, how much sorrow I have caused you! .... But I loved you. Intensely and deeply.....but there are in my nature so many contradictions!

Bring me such medicine as the nurse will tell you....She ordered that the number of covers should be lessened and the yellow one removed....I am tired....

Thy Victor.
....Cognac or wine re .......